The Chronicles of Nunya: A Narnia Parody
by Lord Fenevar
Summary: Susan, Edmund, Peter, and Susan's personality have been completely changed...well at least Peter and Susan. Edmund still is a stuck up Jerk. This is the new, Chronicles of Nunya!
1. Chapter 1: The House

The moment Edmund's foot hit the platform, he began to scheme. _Oh, what in the world shall I do to make my sister cry twice, enter a wardrobe which, by complete coincidence happens to have mythological creatures in it, including a faun, which she soon befriends, then have me enter, meet an evil witch, whom I become friends with, try to lure my brother and sisters into the wardrobe, get taken by the good mythological creatures, which, by the way, are called Narnians, join forces with a seemingly pleasant lion called Aslan, who later kills the White Witch who by that time I learn is truly evil, grow up in the wardrobe, then, on a search for a stag that is white, we find a lamppost, then find the wardrobe again, and enter back onto earth, and we're back to the same ages we were when we first entered the wardrobe! Oh, and we become kings and queens._

His dreams were immediately crushed as Peter smacked him on the head. "Edmund, you idiot, move! We're going to be late! Moron…" he exclaimed.

His two sisters had also stepped off of the train, and were standing in front of him, suitcases in hand, staring at him. Later he learned that they had been staring at him for the past twenty seconds. He didn't notice this because he had been too focused in his own little world.

Peter again struck Edmund in the nose. Edmund heard a crack. He bent over. "Oh, you bliming idiot. You broke my nose! Oh man, this really hurts! Seriously! Why?" He looked up at Peter, glaring. "Why in the whole bliming world did you have to do that?"

Lucy spoke up. "I agree with Edmund. That was sort of cru-"

She was cut off as Peter hit her in the nose. She bent over as well. "Ohhhh…"

"Peter, honestly! This is so uncalled fo…" said Susan, before she also, was punched in the nose. A third cracking sound.

"I am tired of this! Everyone is always criticizing and acts as if I'm the cruel one! Why doesn't anyone besides me realize that Edmund is a stuck-up jerk?" Peter shouted.

But Edmund was distracted. "Holy Cow! Look over there! It's a carriage!"

The person in the carriage was Ms. McCready, who had been watching them ever since they had gotten off the train. "Oh, poor dolts. Perhaps I should adopt them. Yes, I believe I will," she muttered to herself.

She got off the carriage and walked to the four children, three who appeared to have broken noses. "Err…excuse me, children, but do you want to be adopted?"

The one to her right looked up at her. "How queer. This lady just asked us if we want to be adopted, which is an extremely awkward question, not to mention she doesn't know us in the slightest, and doesn't know whether we have parents or not. But, in answer, yes. I would like to be adopted. My parents are terrible."

Ms. McCready stared at the boy for a moment, then looked to the other three.

"Yes" said the tall girl.

"Yes" said the small girl.

The taller boy stepped up to Ms. McCready, glared at her, and shouted louder than he had ever shouted. "YES!"

Then he punched her in the nose.

Three hours later they arrived at a big house. A very grand house with a nice cat in the front yard that greeted them there.

They stepped into the house, and Ms. McCready shouted up a large staircase, "Mr. Kirke? I adopted four kids I hope you do not mind."

A man with frazzled hair and crazed eyes tumbled down the stairs, but sprung up on the landing. "Boogidy Boo!" he screamed. He rushed to each of the children, and held each of them by their shoulders, shaking them.

"Boogidy Boo!"

"Boogidy Boo!"

"Boogidy Boo!"

"Boogidy Boo!"

Last of all he ran to Ms. McCready. "BOOGIDY BOO!" The old, apparently crazed man, said the phrase quickly each time, as if it were a combination of the two words.

Ms. McCready looked over at the children who were staring with wide eyes at who they guessed was Mr. Kirke. "Yes, this is Mr. Kirke. Apparently he drank to many energy drinks whilst I was gone…" She looked Kirke in the eyes. "You stop drinking those so much. Only one a day. That's that. Understood?"

Mr. Kirke looked down and then looked up at Ms. McCready with a solemn face. "Not the puppy-dog face again, Mr. Kirke! You know what? Go up to your room. Now. Go! I command you to stay in your room for one hour." She pointed up the staircase. "Now."

Mr. Kirke turned around on one foot, and…pranced up the stairs? Ms. McCready hurried after him. "No energy drinks, Kirke!"

So, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, were left to look around their new home. "My, my, this is a rather grand house! And look at that cute cat out front. Oh, he's meowing. He must want in." Susan walked towards the door and opened it. When she did the cat walked away. Susan slammed the door in a fit of rage. "Oh, that stupid cat! I do hope it rots away out there. It made me walk all the way over to the door, open it, just for it to reject my offer of a warm home!"

Edmund completely ignored her. "I say, where are our rooms?"

"Probably some place absolutely horrid," Susan exclaimed.

"Why do you always have to be ever so pessimistic, Susan? It's probably some lovely place, with warm beds and the cat probably visits regularly…"

"I'm allergic to cats." Peter muttered.

"and the carpet is ever so soothing," Lucy finished.

Ms. McCready came back down the stairs. "Excuse me for leaving, young children. I should show you your room. You'll all be sharing one of course."

She led them downstairs where there was a huge room, that looked precisely as Lucy had described it. "This will be your room. Those are your beds over there. Oh and by the way, there's a wardrobe two flights up. Just pointing that out." Then she left.

Lucy walked to the middle of the room. "See! What did I tell you? This room is fanta…" Then she fell through the floor.


	2. Chapter 2: The Wardrobe

Chapter 2: The Wardrobe

Eventually, Lucy got out of the floor. It took them two weeks to fix the hole in the floor. But then the room was perfect! They had so much fun in that room…until one day.

Lucy burst into the room. "Come on! Now! We NEED to play hide and seek! NOW!" she exclaimed.

Edmund sat up from his rather relaxed state on the couch. "Why?"

"Um…" Suddenly, Lucy looked rather confused. "Um…I'm not quite sure. I just have a feeling. NOW! Susan, you're it!" Lucy rushed from the room.

Edmund fell back down into his relaxed state on the couch. "Seriously?"

Peter stood up from the chair he sat in. "I have the same sensation that Lucy had, I believe!" He pointed at Susan. "Su! Start counting!" He then pointed at Edmund. "You, hide!"

Edmund again sat up. "Why? I'm so bliming tired. I could sleep for hour."

"JUST GO! Or I'll break your arm."

Edmund immediately got up and left the room.

"Susan! Start counting already."

Peter left the room and Susan began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5…"

Lucy ran up two flights of stairs into the room which she knew had the wardrobes in it. When she opened the door, instead of the view of the wardrobe gracing her eyes, there, standing directly in front of her, was Mr. Kirke.

"Boogidy Boo!" Mr. Kirke shouted, and ran past Lucy away from the room.

She heard a shout from downstairs. Ms. McCreadys voice. "!"

Lucy slowly walked towards the wardrobe. She opened the door. There in front of her was coats. Coats, coats and more coats. They were fur and no one liked fur so much as Lucy. She stepped into the wardrobe and ran her fingers along the fur coats. So fluffy, she thought. Like a cat. Like the cat that Susan despises. She stepped to the end of the wardrobe. Hmm. I wonder if there's another world back here…worth a shot. She walked and walked and walked and walked, and after about three miles of walking, she came out of the wardrobe and into a wood.

"Say, I was right! There is another world back here." She now did a little victory dance until, in the middle of it, she noticed a very queer man. Or was it an animal?

Then the animal/man saw her. (This animal had goat legs but from the waist up, he was like a normal man.) It dropped the things it was carrying-an umbrella and some packages- and screamed. "HOLY COW! WHAT…IS THAT?" He screeched pointing at Lucy.

"I'm Lucy," Lucy said.

"HOLY COW! THAT'S A HUMAN NAME!" He turned around and muttered a bit, turned back to Lucy and said, "Where do you happen to come from?"

"I come from England" Lucy exclaimed.

"In Gland?"

"England."

"Ing Land?"

"England."

"Ink Land?"

"ENGLAND!" Lucy screamed. "E. N. G. L. A. N. D. Understand?"

The faun quivered. "Er…England?"

"Finally! You understand. Anyway, I came from that wardrobe over there…" she looked behind her and saw no wardrobe. "There was a wardrobe…"

The faun was looking where she was pointing. "Yeah, there's no wardrobe."

"Well, I can see that."

"Hey, want to come to my house, have some tea and cake and fish, then have me lull you to sleep and take you to witch that is white?"

Lucy turned back to Tumnus. "Excuse me?"

The faun glanced back and forth nervously. "Er, nothing. Do you want some cake?"

"YEAH!" she screamed. The faun had already started off west.

"This way."

"What is your name?" Lucy asked.

"Tumnus," Tumnus exclaimed. "Mr. Tumnus."

They arrived at Tumnus' house twelve minutes later. The door opened into a big room with lots of comfy (as Lucy referred to it later, fluffy) furniture. Tumnus stepped in. "You can sit at that table over there," he said, pointing at a small circular table with two chairs at it.

"Okay."

Lucy sat at the table and waited while Tumnus went to the kitchen to get tea, cake and fish. He came back with these items and set them on the table. "Here we go. Oh, and this." He got something of the mantelpiece; it seemed to be a pan flute. "Uh…" He sat down. "Um, listen to this."

Then he played a short melody, a jumpy melody. Lucy immediately fell asleep. And, it wasn't one of those dozing off types of sleep, she instantly conked out.

Tumnus stood, picked up Lucy, and headed out of the house. He walked towards the middle of two mountains, where the witch lived. The witch. But, Tumnus was getting paid for this, so he didn't care how cruel it was.

After about one hour or so of walking, he put Lucy down in the snow. He had forgotten his packages at the lamppost! He walked back to the lamppost, and about two and a half hours later, he returned to where Lucy was. He again picked up Lucy, and kept on going.

Two hours later, he finally arrived at the witches house. He walked to the door and knocked. Nothing happened. Knocked again. Nothing happened. He put Lucy down and walked several paces away from the door. He lowered his head so that the top of it was facing the large doors. He ran at the doors, building speed until, BAM! The doors broke open.

He walked back, picked up Lucy, then went inside the castle.


	3. Chapter 3: Tumnus and the Witch

Chapter 3: Tumnus and the Witch

In front of Mr. Tumnus stood the Witch. She was dressed in white, which was how she got her name, and stared coldly at Tumnus.

"You only brought one girl?" she said. Jadis sounded as if she might soon lose her temper.

Tumnus shook. "Um, yes, your Majesty. Just one. The other three have not arrived as of yet.

The White Witch began to pace. "Well, I can't make my LuPeSuNd without Lucy, Peter, Susan and Edmund. This is just the Lu. I need all three," she exclaimed gesturing at Lucy.

"Well, either way, your Majesty said I would get paid if I brought a Daughter of Eve, or a Son of Adam. As your Majesty can plainly see, I have brought a Daughter of Eve." As soon as the words exited his mouth he realized he might have angered the Witch. He ducked down and raised his hands to his head, dropping Lucy.

"Pleaseyourmajestydon'tkillmepleasepleaseplease!" he cried.

The second Lucy hit the ground she woke up. "Wha…huh? Where am I? This place doesn't look familiar. I must have dozed off…oh…." She then abruptly fell back asleep.

"Take her back with you. I have to have you bring them all here at once. Not one at a time. Take her." The Witch left.

Tumnus peeked his head around the corridor she had gone into. "Do I still get paid?"

"NO! NOT YET!"

Tumnus quivered. This was not fair. He had done precisely as the Witch had demanded! If you ever see a Daughter of Eve or Son of Adam, have tea, cake and fish with them, play a little melody that lulls the human to sleep, and bring it to the Witch. He had done precisely that. And she hadn't even paid him! Not a single penny. He had walked about four hours for nothing.

He picked up Lucy and stormed out of the house. It was hours later until he got to the lamppost, put Lucy down, and went back to his home.

Lucy sat up. It was dark. It was cold.

Well, actually it wasn't really dark. She was sitting by a lamppost that was lit so it would be bit illogical for it to be dark.

She looked at her surroundings. She was in a wood, snow all around her…and her head hurt. She lifted her hand to her head. There was a nasty bump on her head.

Then it all came back to her.

The faun, the house, the tea, cake and fish, then falling asleep, waking in a castle, falling asleep again. And she also remembered she had gotten here through a wardrobe. The wardrobe…to her left. She glanced over there, and yes, by golly, there it was!

For some odd reason it had disappeared while she had been talking to the faun, but there was no doubting it was there now! It was very plain, trees to the side, then they stopped suddenly, and there were fur coats! She rushed into the wardrobe, ran for three miles, and then was back in the grand house!

She ran through the hall eager to tell her siblings about her adventure in the wardrobe. When she met them, Susan had only gotten to the number seven.

"WHAT? I've been gone about seven hours and you've only gotten to the number seven? That's one number per hour."

"You've only been gone ten seconds, idiot," Peter said as he punched her in the nose.

Lucy bent over. "That again? Honestly, that's getting a bit annoying. When you get angry you should…" she looked around. "You should punch this pillow." She held up a pillow from the couch.

Unfortunately, not expecting him to punch at that moment, she held it in front of her face. Peters fist shot forward, into the pillow. The pillow went back into Lucy's face, propelling her back into the couch. "Oomf!" Came the muffled voice from behind the pillow. She threw the pillow to her left. "Peter! Stop that! You knew I was behind that pillow." She stood up. "Anyway, I went into a different world."

Edmund spoke up. "What's it called?"

"NUNYA!" she snapped. "As I was saying, I went into this other world, and met a faun, and had cake and tea and fish, and fell asleep, and woke up, and fell asleep, and woke up, and here I am!"

Peter, Susan and Edmund stood in a confused silence. Peter broke it. "What?"

"You don't believe me? Come along." She led them up two flights of stairs and to the room that the wardrobe was in.

"See, you just need to walk that way for about three miles and then you'll come into the other world. It's quite simple," Lucy explained, pointing in the wardrobe.

"Let me check." Susan said, entering the wardrobe. It was only a second later when she came back out. She looked at Lucy.

"And?"

"You were wrong! It's four miles! Then you come to the other world. Not three miles!" said Susan pointing at Lucy.

"Me and Edmund are going to check." Said Peter. They entered the wardrobe and, as with Susan, it was only a second before they both came out. "Lucy was right, Susan. It's three miles."

Susan stiffened. "NO! IT WAS FOUR MILES! NOW SHUT UP!" She ran out of the room.

Suddenly, Peter turned to Lucy. "You're insane! There's no world back there."

"What? But you said you saw…"

"I'm going to talk to Mr. Kirke about this. You're mad."

Peter stormed out of the room, and Edmund went out with him. Lucy simply stood by the wardrobe, confused.


	4. Chapter 4: The Cell

Chapter 4: The Cell

Lucky for Peter, Mr. Kirke had only drunk one energy drink that day. But he still was quite energized. "Yes, boogidyboo, Peter, how can I boogidyboo help you. Boogidy boo!"

"LUCY IS INSANE!" Peter shouted.

"Why in the world boogidyboo do you think boogidyboo that?" Mr. Kirke asked.

Peter began pacing. "Well, to start off with, she criticized me at the train station the other day, which is utterly insane. Then, she said that she said she went into another world."

"Did you boogidyboo by chance go into boogidyboo this other world?"

Peter turned and glared at Kirke. "YES! But why does that have anything to do with the subject?"

"Why, it has everything to do with the subject we were boogidyboo talking about. If you, boogidyboo, went into this other world boogidyboo, then it would be perfectly logical that it would be there. Your sister boogidyboo is not insane. You are! HAHAHA!" Mr. Kirke began to laugh maniacally.

"SHUT UP!" Peter ran from the room, down the stairs to his room. When he got there he pointed to Lucy. "You're still insane!" Then he ran and jumped into his bed.

Lucy whispered to Edmund. "I think Peter's gone round the bend!"

Edmund turned on Lucy. "Shut up. I'm going to bed." He did as Peter had done.

Susan ran into the room, pointed at Lucy, "Shut up!" and got in bed.

Lucy just stood, dumbstruck at the sudden insanity of her siblings. This was unlike anything they had ever done before. They were utterly mad. And it was so sudden…

Lucy crawled in bed and went to sleep.

It was 1:04 when Lucy woke up. She tried to get to sleep again, counting sheep, hitting her head against the wall, dancing a jig, but no matter what she tried, she couldn't get to sleep. She walked to a hall, and up the two flights of stairs we've mentioned so much in this story.

She entered the wardrobe, just as Edmund woke up. He sat up in bed. "I think I just felt a disturbance in the force…hmmm." He got out of bed, and decided that he should tell Peter. Peter was especially interested in the force.

Edmund walked to Peter's bed. He tapped his shoulder. "Pete. Peter. PETE…"

Peter's fist shot up and hit Edmund in the face. "OW!" he shouted.

Susan sat up suddenly from her bed. "What? What's going on? Oh, I'm so tired." She fell back.

Edmund glanced over at Susan. He looked back at Peter. "You could just say 'I'm tired.'" He walked off in the direction he knew Lucy had gone. The wardrobe. He suddenly realized that his plot had mostly become true. Lucy hadn't cried twice yet, though. That was all that was different. So far…

He stepped cautiously up the flights of stairs, carefully not to wake McCready. When he got to the wardrobe he noticed that the door was opened. Lucy had to have gone in there. He stepped through the wardrobe, and for some odd reason, decided it would be a good idea to grab one of the coats off of the three mile long wardrobe.

After the long walk, he finally reached the other world. He was not at all shocked because he had been here before. He treaded carefully in the cold snow.

Then, out of nowhere, a sledge appeared. It was pulled by white reindeer, who were being pushed along by what appeared to be a midget. Edmund realized that the sledge was headed directly towards him. He screamed. "AAGGHH!" It was a very high pitched scream, and his hands flew to the sides of his face.

The reindeer kept on plowing on, right towards Edmund and they wouldn't stop. "AAGGHHH!" The midget wasn't making any effort to make them stop either. In fact, he was making them go faster! They just kept heading right towards him.

"AAGGHHH!"

Then the reindeer hit him. He went flying about twenty feet, then landed in (thank goodness) soft snow. He heard the reindeer pass him. He heard a very recognizable voice.

"Boogidy Boo!"

The sound of the hooves in the snow stopped. Edmund turned around to see Mr. Kirke stand up from the sledge. He was dressed in a white suit, very clean. Mr. Kirke stepped beside and Edmund and looked down on him. "Boogidy boo?" He tilted his head.

"Um, I'm sorry er…Mr. Kirke. I was just looking for Lucy."

"Boogidy Boo!" Mr. Kirke straightened. He shook his head crazily. "Boogidy Boo!"

Edmund stared up at him, confused. "Um…yes?"

"Boogidy Boo!" Mr. Kirke pointed to his left. "Boogidy Boo!"

"Ooookay." He got up and walked in the direction Mr. Kirke had pointed. "My sister is this way?"

He nodded. "Boogidy Boo."

Edmund continued on that path until he came to a little house. This was probably the faun's house that Lucy had spoken about! He ran to it, then tapped on the little door.

Soon, the door opened, revealing Edmund's sister. "What is it?" Lucy said.

"It's Edmund! I came to see…" A faun's face popped up behind Lucy.

"Edmund? You're Edmund?"

"Yes, I…"

"Well, do come inside!" The faun said, shoving Lucy out of the way. "Come in out of the snow."

"But, it's not snowi…" Edmund was pulled inside rather abruptly. "Hey! Watch it."

"Watch what?" The faun glanced around. "There is really nothing to watch."

"Don't I know it. Not even a TV!" Lucy exclaimed, walking over to Edmund and Tumnus.

Tumnus looked at Lucy and Edmund, then walked to a door. He opened it, showing a set of stairs. "Follow me." He started down the stairs.

"Well, I suppose we'd better follow him," Edmund suggested, turning to Lucy.

"I guess we must." Lucy walked down the stairs after Tumnus, and Edmund followed her.

After a while, they came to what seemed to be a prison. "Would you look at these. I just had 'em installed yesterday," said Tumnus gesturing to the cell.

"Um…yes, Tumnus. It's a very nice…prison," said Edmund awkwardly.

"Oh, thank you. Er…do you want to look inside?"

Lucy looked at Edmund, nervously. "Sure."

The faun led them into the prison, after unlocking the door. They all came into the prison, looking all around. "As I said, Mr. Tumnus. It's a very nice prison cell."

"Yes…"

Tumnus hopped out of the cell, and closed the door quite suddenly.

"I'm sorry, my friends, I truly am. But I need all four of you…all four of you children, to get paid! And I do need the money. I really am sorry. So sorry. So….sorry…." Mr. Tumnus ran from the basement cell, crying.

Edmund and Lucy simply stood, in a stunned silence.

"You know, we really should have guessed this."

"Yes, yes we should have."

THE END OF CHAPTER 4


	5. Chapter 5: The Oddly Placed Stickers

Chapter 5: The Oddly Placed Stickers

Ms. McCready stood in front of the mini-fridge that held Mr. Kirke's energy drinks. What were they called? He had two types. If she remembered correctly, Powerade and Gatorade. He loved them so much. She had given restrictions though, and he hadn't stuck to them. 'One a day!' she had told the man. He commonly had five or six a day. So she had to put force on her restrictions.

Today, she would put a lock on the fridge.

Last time, it had been a plastic lock, and he had chewed through it. This time it would not be so easy. This time it was metal. Without the combo written on the back. Now, whenever the man wanted a powerade, he would have to come to Ms. McCready, and ask. She would only allow one a day, and that's all he would get.

As she locked up the fridge, a strange thought entered her head. _What do these energy drinks taste like? _

She immediately pushed the idea out. It was absurd! She would never taste this drink with so much sugar. So much...yummy…sugar...

Stop this! She had to stop thinking about tasting this delectable…NO! TERRIBLE! She could never...

She opened the fridge, took out a Gatorade, twisted the cap, and poured this now amazingly tasty drink into her mouth! She finished off the small insignificant bottle in a matter of seconds! She threw the bottle to the side and began gulping down another! And another! It was so amazing, this flood of flavors barely being contained in her mouth! Such a sweet lemony flavor! And here was fruit punch! Oh so delectable!

As she drank, energy she had never felt entered her veins! She stood. She was shaky with the energy!

She took a knife off the kitchen table.

Where were those children again?

Peter had just turned over in bed.

Right then, Ms. McCready emerged from the stairway, a knife in hand. She laughed maniacally and started towards Susan and Peter.

Peter got up in bed. "What's all this lau-ah-ah-AH!" He then noticed Ms. McCready. Her eyes were crazed, as was her hair. He hopped up, and ran to Susan's bedside. "Su! SU! Ms. McCready has gone insane! We need to run! Now."

Susan got up, sleepily. "What is it, is Fido on fire again?"

Peter sighed. "No, Fido died six years ago! Now we need to go!"

Susan looked right and left. "No." She then fell, unceremoniously, back onto the bed. "

"Su. Ms. McCready has gone mad. We need to leave now or else we will die." Then Peter got an idea. He said, persuading, "Or else FIDO will die."

"NO!" She shot up in bed. "No. Let's go."

They both shot past Ms. McCready who was still having a hard time holding all this energy. She was like a zombie as she slowly turned and began to follow them up the stairs.

Ms. McCready passed out on the fifth step.

Susan and Peter stopped on the second floor. There, in front of them, the door. The door that led to the room. The room that had a wardrobe in it. The wardrobe that had a world in it. The world that had a house in it. The house that had a faun in it. The faun that had a…

"PETER! Let's go!" He opened the door, Susan behind him, revealing a quite empty room with…with the wardrobe in it. He began to have third thoughts.

"Ms. McCready is probably very close now."

"You're right. Let's go," Peter responded instantly.

They both raced to the wardrobe went through the already opened door, and started on the three mile journey.

"There has got to be some way to get out of here."

Edmund and Lucy stared out between the bars of Tumnus' brand new prison cell, sadly wondering why in the world this had happened to them. Six billion other people on earth, and this had to happen to these two kids. Why hadn't it happened to Peter and Susan. Or even McCready.

Edmund had told Lucy about his journey here and how he had met Kirke in the woods next to the oddly placed lamppost. He had acted so strange. Now, Edmund pulled from his memory that the suit was not perfectly white. By the neck there had been bright red stains. Energy drinks. Of course.

But, Mr. Kirke had acted more calmly than usual. As if he hadn't had quite as much energy drinks as he would like. Ms. McCready, the two concluded, must have been putting more force into the daily limitations.

"Honestly, where do we go? He just had this installed, when, yesterday?" asked Edmund.

"He got it in today."

"What? How would you know that?"

"By this big sticker pasted on one of the bars saying 'installed today.'"

Edmund moved away from the bars. "That could mean any day."

"No, it says today's date. August 14, 19-something something," explained Lucy, pointing at the sticker.

Edmund sat down beside the wall. "Well, that means they may have made some mistakes installing it so quickly."

"Nope. There's another sticker saying no animals were harmed in the making of this…oops, wrong sticker. Here it is: No mistakes at all, whatsoever, anyhow, anyway, were made in the installing of this prison cell."

"Who puts up these stickers, anyways?"

"Here's another sticker that says 'We do'"

Edmund stared at her, confused. "Who's we?"

"You and I of course."

"So you're saying that we put up those stickers?"

"No, the stickers say that."

"What?"

Suddenly, one of the cement walls on the sides of them busted open, (fortunately not on the side that Edmund was leaning against) producing a load of dust. Lucy and Edmund gasped and struggled to breath, coughing continuously. Then they heard a voice very recognizable and they were quite happy to hear it.

"Boogidy Boo!"


	6. Chapter 6: The Escape

Chapter 6: The Escape

Mr. Kirke stood in a gigantic hole in the prison wall, that he had apparently created with a few dozen sticks of dynamite. His previously white suit was now covered in dust and debris. His glasses were also covered in dirt, but his eyes and hair were just as crazed as ever. He stood there for a while, awkwardly staring at the two children. Then he pointed to the hole. "Boogidy Boo."

"I think he wants us to go through the hole." Edmund exclaimed.

"Well, I do believe that's quite obvious," said Lucy.

But neither child made a move toward the man. They stood there, hands in pockets looking into the gaping hole in the wall.

Mr. Kirke sighed. "Boog…id…y…boo," the man said, pronouncing each syllable carefully.

"Perhaps we should go."

"Yes," replied Edmund as he walked towards the hole. Lucy followed him, and behind her, Kirke, breathing a sigh of relief.

Just as they all exited the prison, Tumnus came down the stairs holding two new prisoners. When he saw the empty cell, he stomped his feet angrily. "Oh! They escaped!" He opened the door of the cell and threw the two new prisoners, Susan and Edmund into it. "You stay there while I go and search for the other two." He closed the door and left, ignoring the rather obvious hole in the wall.

Peter spoke up. "Sir, there's a h…" He was cut off as Susan, being the smart one, cupped her hand over her mouth.

"You idiot!" Susan muttered. "That's our escape. You don't want him to know about the hole!"

"Ooooh." Peter's voice was muffled.

They waited until Tumnus had gone all the way up the stairs, then went through the hole in the wall.

Edmund, Lucy and Kirke emerged outdoors. Mr. Kirke led them to a white sledge and as soon as Edmund saw it, he recognized it. "Lucy, this is the sledge I told you about! See it's white, and the white reindeer…"

"I get the point! It's white!"

Edmund folded his arms and leaned in a gangster position. "Don't be racist, dawg."

"What? But you just said that all that stuff was white."

"I didn't say it in a racist way!"

"Boogidy boo!" Mr. Kirke was ushering them into the sledge.

Lucy sighed. "Let's go."

They both got in the sledge and they shot off, leaving Peter and Susan racing after it. "No! Don't leave! COME ON!" Peter shouted. They stumbled through the fresh snow, coats flailing behind them. The sledge did not stop, nor did it's occupants look back. "They had to have heard us."

But Susan and Peter were not the only ones that were chasing the sledge. Tumnus appeared from around the corner of the house, also running after the departing children. "NO! I'm supposed to get paid! No!"

Susan and Peter watched him leave and then Peter pointed to their right. Susan understood. They couldn't let Mr. Tumnus get them after he realized that the sledge was not going to stop. They slowly walked to the left, away form Mr. Tumnus and the house.

Lucy and Edmund sat peacefully as the sledge flew through the snow, not thinking about where they were going at all at the moment. For some odd reason the snow was melting. Winter for so many years and now it was melting. Strange.

After an hour of going along like that, Edmund suddenly DID wonder where they were going. "Mr. Kirke, where are we going?"

The man turned to him, stared at him for a while then pointed forward. "Boogidy Boo."

"Um…that means…"

"Boogidy Boo."

"What?"

The midget we mentioned long ago that was pushing the reindeer along said, "He says, 'We're going to the lovely and quite magnificent house of the two beavers quite obviously named Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. Yes, it is quite odd that their names are what they are. It's like one of us being called Mr. Human. Or the person up front being called Mr. Midget. No offense intended, Milo. Milo is his name. Oh, and if you're wondering, yes, Mr. Milo can understand me.' That's exactly what he said."

"Wow," exclaimed Edmund. "He said all that in 'Boogidy Boo?"

"Yep."

The children sat, astonished. All along, whenever Mr. Kirke had said 'Boogidy Boo,' it could have meant any number of things. They were actually, when translated, educated and intricate statements.

"Boogidy Boo."

"He says we're almost there."

"Wait, so why are we going to an animal's house?" inquired Edmund.

"Boogidy Boo!" Mr. Kirke slapped his head into his hand. "

"He says he forgot to tell you. Animals can talk."

Edmund's jaw dropped. This 'Nunya' place was full of surprises.

Soon, they arrived at the beavers' house and got out of the sledge. The beavers' house was made all of sticks, and was circular. There was another sledge beside the house with the words 'The Installers' on it. There were two beavers close by the house, installing AC into the house.

"Is that Mr. and Mrs. Beaver?" Edmund asked.

Mr. Kirke shook his head. "Boogidy Boo."

"He says…"

Edmund quickly interrupted. "Milo, there are some phrases that don't need translation."

"Fine. I guess you don't want my help."

"No, it's not like that…"

"Talk to the tiny hand!" Milo said raising a tiny hand

Soon they reached the house Kirke opened the door. "Boogidy boo!"

"Well, hello to you too, dear Mr. Kirke!" a voice came from inside.


	7. Chapter 7: Beavers, Aslan, and Nolves

Chapter 7: The Beaver, Aslan, and Nolves

The Beavers sat across from Mr. Kirke at the oval shaped table. Edmund and Lucy sat to their right, and they all were eating the most delicious meatloaf that Mrs. Beaver had made. They all gobbled happily, save for Edmund, who slowly ate his food, trying to remember his plan that he had made when he had first gotten off the train. _Well, at the moment, this seems nothing like the plan. I was thrown into a prison cell, and Lucy has not cried once...oh, what was next? Oh, yes! He was supposed to betray them all by going to some white witch!_  
He stood and said, "Um...excuse me...I need to go to...er...the restroom. Right now, I can't wait, need to go!"  
"No! You will not leave the table until I give you permission!" Mr. Beaver shouted.  
Edmund sat.  
They all went back to munching, except, again, Edmund who was worried about how amiss his plan had gone. He frowned at his food.  
Mrs. Beaver stood up. "What you don't like my food? Well then..."  
"No, ma'am, you don't understand...it's a long story, but this food is great! I have nothing against you or your food, ma'am," Edmund explained.  
The beaver slowly sat back down. "Fine then."  
"She's very touchy about her cooking, son of Adam," said Mr. Beaver said.  
"Boogidy Boo!"  
"He says, "I don't see why she is! Her food is most delightful, and if everyone else loves her food, then I don't see why one person should bother her. Mrs. Beaver, your food is most delectable, and every time I've eaten it, when I go back home and taste the nasty stuff that Ms. McCready feeds me, I always wish for the food that you make. Except for the energy drinks. Just some good information, Mrs. Beaver, I would love it if you would put some energy drinks such as Powerade or Gatorade into the food. Just helping you help me. Thank you for this delectable meal.'"  
"Why you're welcome, Mr. Kirke!" said Mrs. Beaver happily.  
Again, Edmund and Lucy simply sat in stunned silence. Amazing.  
"Let's change subjects. I get to pick. Um...Aslan! Yes, let's talk about Aslan," Mr. Beaver said.  
"Who's Aslan?" asked Edmund.  
"What did you say? 'Who's Aslan?' Well, he's only the biggest lion in this land!"

"Not to mention the ONLY lion in Narnia," said Mrs. Beaver.

Mr. Beaver nodded admittedly. "True, true. We do seem to have quite a lack of lions in Narnia. But that's beside the point."

"Boogidy Boo."

"He says that we should get to him as quick as possible."

"Yes, yes, we should. But these two children need to learn about what he is before we leave. As I was saying, Aslan is basically the leader, physically and spiritually in these parts. There's a white witch way far that way." Mr. Beaver explained, pointing to his left. "She's his enemy, and they say when two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve come into the land of Nunya, the lion will rise up against the white witch and kill her. Some of my friends…well they want it to be sorta gruesome…lots of blood you know. They hope that he'll bite her head off and all… they say they're gonna bring popcorn." Mr. Beaver giggled.

"Honey!"

"Sorry, darling, that's just what they say. And as a matter of fact I kind of agree with them. She deserves a gruesome death. Always winter and no presents! No dual action toothbrushes or…"

"No blenders either! I can't make any of my delicious fruit smoothies anymore!"  
"Yes, darling, no smoothies either."

Then they all heard something barking outside of the house.

"Food! BARK! I want food! BARK!"

"Just some steak or some other juicy morsel! BARK BARK!"

Two dogs were outside of a large circular house, and they were hungry. Not for humans of course, that was absolutely disgusting. No, that was what all the other dogs…or should they say, wolves, wanted. These were the more civilized dogs. When they spoke, they used educated vocabulary. They were what the other wolves called 'Nolves.' A combination of the word 'nerd' and 'wolf.' These were the two outcasts, and they both agreed on just about every subject.

"Frederick, I'm not quite sure if they shall ever come and give us some of their ever-so-delicious scraps! I desire them ever so much!"

"As do I, Schroeder. Those tasty morsels simply call to me. Their delectable aroma beckons me. Why, I may just pounce into this house, barking like one of the unsophisticated wolves! I haven't eaten a bite in two days! I must eat!"

"I agree. You know, why don't we? We can just pounce in there! No one in the pack shall ever know. You and I will never tell anyone! Just five minutes of absolute craziness! The humans will be frightened and run away, and we shall devour their wonderful leftovers," explained Schroeder.

Frederick gave the idea some thought, then nodded. "Agreed. We do it in one minute. In that minute, we shall plan. Let's do it!"

"What's that sound?" inquired Edmund.

"I..don't know."

"Is it one of the witch's wolves?" asked Lucy.

Mr. Beaver frowned. "How did you know that the witch had wolves?"

"I didn't, I was just guessing."

"Oh. Well, then, it probably is."

Mrs. Beaver got up. "They can attack any minute. Let's pack up."

"Now, dearie, only take the bare minimum. Just take the essentials. And the rest of the meal. Quickly!"

Everyone set to work, and within a minute they had packs full of things you needed for the outdoors and the remains of the meal.

"Frederick, do you really think this is the correct thing to do?"

Schroeder turned to the Nolf.

"Pardon?"

"I mean…what if the other Nolves find out that we're doing this? What will they think."

"I'm sure I don't know, Frederick. We were supposed to pounce a half minute ago. You and I aren't going to tell anyone, and I'm sure none of the Nolves are watching."

Frederick looked down. "Okay. If you're positive."

They crouched.

The crew of humans and beavers left the house.

The Nolves pounced through the window.


	8. Chapter 8: GIR

Chapter 8: GIR

The Nolves looked up. There was nobody, and no food in front of them. They had just pounced through the window of the circular home of the Beavers, in hopes of getting some food, and had stumbled upon this…nothingness. Only an empty table and cupboards.

Frederick spoke to Schroeder without moving his head or eyes. "Schroeder, not to draw conclusions at such an immediate time, but I see no delicious morsels or food substances."

Schroeder nodded. "I agree, Frederick. Nothing at all."

Frederick stared. "What…do we do now."

"Well, I'm sure I don't know, Frederick. There is just about nothing to do. We thought there were delicious food substances in here, I could have sworn I smelt them, and, as you can see, we have stumbled upon no food."

Tears began to come from Frederick's eyes. "But I desired those treats ever so much."

"I know, Frederick. Me as well. But, there were a pack of wolves taking back some deer to camp. If we blend in well, enough, and take up their way of talking, however terrible it may be, we could attain a few scraps of the delicious meat."

Fred smiled a bit. "Do you think we could do it? Do you think we could pull it off?"

Schroeder turned to Frederick with an uncharacteristic smirk. "With your mind, and my mind put together, there is nearly nothing we cannot do."

Peter and Susan were huddled around a relatively large campfire, which had been made by Peter. It was surprising, because Peter had epically failed his Survival class in sixth grade. He had, in fact, accidentally killed five people. Well, he actually hadn't done it himself. He had only released a vicious bear on the rest of the classmates. Peter was the only one who had escaped without a single scratch.

The fire was excellent though, and Susan didn't quite feel like mentioning the incident. They both simply stared at the fire in silence. Until…

"What are we to do, Peter? Edmund and Lucy are gone in that sledge, along with a quite oddly dressed Mr. Kirke, and we are both being hunted by a money-obsessed faun! We're in a land where animals have the ability to speak, and we are stuck."

Peter looked up. "I don't know."

"Are you just gonna sit here and be lazy?"

"Maybe…"

"Of course not!" Susan stood up. "You and I are the oldest of us four children, and I say we should be mature. Remember all those books Mum had us read? Remember the heroes in them? They remembered that the…"

"Just a second." Peter stood up. "I didn't read them, I just pretended to. Why should I when I can play X-Box?"

"Anyways, the heroes in them remembered that they had feet, and walked the journey! We should remember we have feet as well! We don't need silly transportation like a sled!"

Peter raised an eyebrow and lifted a finger. "But, it would MUCH more convenient!" he said.

"However true that may be, we do not have a sledge, and we do have our feet. I say we walk the journey. Now, are you with me?" Susan raised a fist to the sky.

Peter did the same, and shouted, "No way, Jose!"

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a green creature flew in, screaming in a metallic voice. "WHEE! I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING!" The creature had two big eyes, a tongue sticking out of it's mouth, and two black ears. It also had a zipper running down it's front.

"WHEE! WHEE!"

"What…is…that?" inquired Susan.

"Duh! It's quite plainly an elephant," exclaimed Peter.

"WOOHOO!" the odd creature landed in front of the two and held out it's tiny little arms. "Hello!"

"Hello. What are you?" said Susan.

The odd creature lifted his arms, and…pulled back his head? Suddenly, Susan realized it was only a hood of a disguise. Underneath was a robot head! "I'm GIR!"

Peter asked, "What's the G stand for?"

GIR cocked his head. "I don't know!"

Susan tapped the little robot's head. "You're so cute!"

GIR waved his arms excitedly. "I KNOW!" He abruptly turned his head to the left. "Tacos!" He then turned back to Susan. "I have a master. His name is…uh…Bim, Cim, Dim, Fim, Gim, Him, Jim, Kim, Lim, Mim, Nim, Pim, Rim, Sim, Tim, Vim, Wim, Xim, Zim…ZIM! ZIM! That's it! ZIM! His name is Zim!"

GIR hopped into the air and clapped happily. "Zim! ZIM! He says he's stuck here. He got trapped. I've just been around!" At the word 'flying' the robot hopped into the air and zoomed around and around. He then landed, again, in front of them. "Do you need HELP?" His robot neck elongated, and lifted up to the height of Susan.

"Well, actually we're stuck here too! We need to find our brother and sister. Can you help?"

"OOH! I brought a transporty thingy with me! Here ya go!" He took something from behind his back, aimed it at Peter and Susan, and shot.

The two disappeared before they could say a word.

Peter and Susan reappeared in the middle of seemingly nowhere. That's when they noticed they were on a path. Right in front of a turn…

They then were hit by a white sledge.


End file.
